THE PAST

You replay the same past events as if they were your favorite movie, only as you watch the old scenes unfold yet again, you view yourself through the lens of criticism. You bash yourself for the mistakes you made, reexperience the pangs of self-judgment, and seek to identify what you could have done differently to change things; like a bargaining effort aimed at changing the past itself.

THE FUTURE

You doubt yourself; thinking again and again about how to best proceed, yet remaining stuck at a crossroads. You question your ability to handle what may lie ahead. Part of you knows how you’d like to respond, only you feel paralyzed to act. It’s a game of tug of war and you’re the rope. There are two forces at play, each opposing the other.

THE BATTLE

On one side of the battle is uncertainty. Uncertainty often takes the form of “what if’s” or worst-case scenarios; possible outcomes that begin to seem probable the more you consider them.

Pulling from the other end of the rope is an inner wisdom; overshadowed by uncertainty and the anxiety it brings. The part of you that knows what is important. The part that has an ideal vision of things: the kind of person you want to be, the type of relationships you hope to have, the outcomes you strive to achieve, and the activities you long to engage in. Your ideal life feels aspirational, like a fantasy, kept out of reach by the negative outcomes you expect to face. Your focus narrows to keeping those outcomes at bay, leaving little room to build toward what you actually want.

THE RESPONSES

You’ve learned some different strategies to deal with anxiety. 1) Beat it: You may attempt to out-think it; predicting how events might play out and planning your responses accordingly. In other instances, you might try to out-work the anxiety, devoting excessive energy to account for any potential deviation in which things could go wrong. Your contingencies have contingencies.

When all else fails, you may try to 2) Escape it: Your primary methods here are avoidance, distraction and numbing. Overfilling your calendar, rotting in front of your screen, skipping yet another event, or consuming in excess in an attempt to feel different. Chances are, these approaches “work” in the short term. But eventually your anxiety shows itself again, often stronger than before. And now you’re exhausted, discouraged, and no closer to developing the more fulfilling life you are after.

THE THERAPY PROCESS

I help adults who are ready to stop organizing their life around anxiety. Treatment begins with understanding: exploring common threads among triggers to anxiety, and how anxiety has been shaping your thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

From there, our work may focus on developing practical, personalized strategies to manage symptoms more effectively when anxiety shows up.

Over time, the goal is to loosen anxiety’s grip so that it no longer drives your decisions or defines the boundaries of your world. To carry a clearer sense of who you want to be into the decisions you face. As the shadow of anxiety shrinks and focus expands beyond beating or escaping your worries, a new guiding force emerges:

Choice based on values rather than reactions based on fear.